4 Steps to Ending Self-Sabotage and Finally Getting What You Want

 
 

So you want to create more money in your bank account, connect with dreamy ideal clients, find your soulmate, and generally have more of everything else that brings you joy, peace and fulfillment?

But it seems like no matter how hard you try to get everything just right and make it turn turn out like you hope it will, something goes wrong and you end up with a result you decidedly do NOT want. It might look like…

  • You worked your bum-bum off to create and launch a new program or product you’re SO excited about… but when you do, the sound you hear isn’t the cha-ching of you bank account filling with sales but rather the sound of crickets chirping along to the sound of no sales at all.

  • You’ve been angling for a promotion at work, you’ve put in the long-hours, kicked butt on all of your projects and when it came time to hand out the accolades and bump in pay, you were passed by like the fruitcake Grandma Besty brings to Christmas dinner.

  • Hooray! You just signed up a new client! But then over the next few weeks, your celebrating grinds to a halt as this awesome new client turns into your worst nightmare, missing appointments, skipping payments and rejecting your best efforts at every turn. “Another one?? How?? Why??”, you whimper to yourself as you try and figure out how you’re going to tough it out because you need the money.

You deserve better… and you deserve a lot more of all the good things in life… and deep down you know it.

So what’s up with all the problems actually getting all the amazing things you want?

I’m talking about not only more of the material stuff… boatloads of money, a swanky house in a primo location or a luxury car… I’m talking about:

  • Having amazing relationships that nurture and uplift you

  • Doing work that totally lights you up… and make a generous income doing it

  • Embodying true well-being in the most holistic sense of the word - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually

  • Having the freedom to live your life in the way that feels most soul-aligned for you

Wanting more… desiring to be, do, and have something different than what you already have (when it doesn’t involve harm to others) is the way that our Higher Self / the Universe / God steers us to the next step and next level of growth. So, desiring more isn’t wrong or bad at all. Far from it!

But so many people wrestle with feeling guilty or wrong for wanting more of whatever it is they want.

Or they feel they have to justify why they want it (and if it’s not a “good enough” reason, then they harshly judge themselves).

Or they’re going about trying to create the life of their dreams unconsciously… but consciously creating your life is the only real way to have all those amazing things you want.

In reality, most people in the world are just trying to get through the day without too many headaches. They’re thinking about how to avoid what they don’t want instead of consistently focusing on what they do want for their lives. They’re unconsciously reacting to what happens to them based on ingrained beliefs and patterns, instead of consciously responding to events based on what they want to create.

The truth is that you are constantly co-creating your life with everyone else on the planet and with the Universe. Your life is a direct result of your whatever your co-creation process is, whether it’s conscious or unconscious, by design or default. The beauty is that in every moment, you get the opportunity to make a new choice:

Am I going to let unsupportive beliefs and patterns run the show and sabotage my dreams?

Or am I going to do what I need to do to consciously take the reins and steer my life in the direction that I want it to go?

Since you’re reading this article, I’m betting you’re the kind of person who wants to consciously, intentionally create your life in the easiest, most joyful way. Am I right? So let’s talk about how to do exactly that.

Step 1: Leverage your power to create by first accepting full responsibility for all of your outcomes

If what you have right now isn’t exactly what you really desire - or you simply are ready to go even bigger with your life - the first step is to acknowledge, accept and fully embody that YOU are the creator of your life.

If you can’t get on board with the fact that either consciously or unconsciously you create the circumstances of your life, then you may as well stop reading now.

Still reading? Good.

Whether you look at it through the lens of “conscious response vs. unconscious reaction” (like NLP does), or simply a go-getter / hustler attitude of “I make my life happen”, or from a more spiritual perspective of your oneness with Source and the co-creative power that comes from it, all roads point to this:

You will get far more of the kind of results you desire (from biz / life / people) when you accept full responsibility for your thoughts, energy, beliefs and actions and you consciously choose to direct them.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? You’re either making choices and shaping your life “on purpose” or living by default and reacting to outside agendas.

Your life is a direct result of your whatever your co-creation process is, whether it’s conscious or unconscious, by design or default.

The problem is that many people THINK they’re operating from “conscious creation” most of their waking hours when they’re really not. Our human brains are oh-so-wonderful at creating patterns of thinking and habits in order to conserve energy, not become overwhelmed and to establish what’s safe for us or not (i.e., the comfort zone).

Here’s a quick way to know if you’ve REALLY accepted full responsibility for your life’s outcomes and if you’re operating from conscious creation the majority of the time:

  • Do you catch yourself complaining about your circumstances?

  • Do you often blame others for things that happen to you?

  • Have you been feeling frustrated about what’s happening in your life, business / work / career, relationships and health, but you haven’t done much to change it?

If you answered “yes” to the above, then you’re probably operating more from unconscious patterns than you realize, and you definitely want to pay attention to Step 3. Rest assured, though, we ALL have room for improvement in this area!

Step 2: Get specific about what you want and then ask for it

The second step is to get really, really clear on what you want to create and then ask for it. What do you want more of in your life? You can’t just go out and manifest what you want if you don’t know what you want. And frankly, so many people don’t know what they want. They don’t sit and take the time to really think about specifically what it is they want. (It’s the same reason most people either don’t have goals or don’t write them down.)

So if you say, “I want more money, what the specifically does that mean? “More money” to me probably means something different than “more money” to you. If you said you want more money and you then find a dollar on the street… well, you now have more money, but that probably wasn’t really the amount you were aiming for. So, you need to be really clear and specific and then ask for it.

When we have our heart set on manifesting something, whether it’s a certain amount of money, a new relationship or a particular job, the Universe often has something much better in store for us when we stay focused on our desired outcomes.

How do you “ask” for what you want? Depending on your set of beliefs, it could look like:

  1. Literally asking someone for the thing you want, i.e., the promotion, the business, more affection, the vacation you’re dreaming about, etc.

  2. Asking yourself empowered questions that put your human mind into “find and seek mode”. Our brains are wired to find answers, so when you ask yourself the right questions, your brain will start looking for the answer in your environment and lead you to it. For example, if you wanted to get in front of more of your ideal customers, you could ask yourself, “What are three ways that I can get in front of my ideal customers today?”, or “What platform would be the best way for me to get in front of 200 more of my ideal customers within the next 10 days?”

  3. Sitting in meditation or going into your Akashic or Soul Records and asking for guidance. Doing this has been so profoundly powerful for me that it’s now the first thing I do every weekday morning. Questions I often ask are, “What is my next, most aligned step to take to have X?”, “I desire to create X. What am I not currently aware of that I need to know about how to do this?”, or “What do I need to release and what do I need to align with in order to create X in the fastest, most fun and joyful way?”

And don’t forget about also getting clear on what you want to let go of or change. Most people skip over this part because we all hear “focus on the positive!”. But knowing what you DON’T want can be really helpful. When you ask yourself, “What do I want to release? What am I no longer willing to have in my life?”, you’ll come up with a list of things about which you can then ask, “If I didn’t have this anymore, then what would I want to replace it?”, which will help you get even clearer on what you DO desire to create.

(You can read more about these steps here.)

Plus, when you let go of what’s not supporting or serving you, whether that’s beliefs, relationships, possessions or anything else, you create the space for something new that IS in alignment with your desires to come in. After all, you can’t pour more into a cup that’s already full.

Which brings us to Step 3...

Step 3: Clear out or transform what’s getting in the way

Some manifestation and spiritual teachers argue that you don’t need to bother with clearing out unsupportive beliefs, healing old traumas or transforming your energy and perspective on a situation that’s got your knickers in a wad. And I see their point: It’s not helpful to dwell on all the junk that’s clogging things up because you just energize it more and it sucks your time and attention. I totally agree with the “not dwelling or focusing on it” part.

But we’re souls having a HUMAN experience and filtering our experiences through our HUMAN minds, and our human minds and the unconscious beliefs and patterns that have been established there control the show for the most part. So unless you deal with the human mind elements that are getting in your way, you can think positive and read affirmations until you’re blue in the face, but you’ll still find yourself avoiding following up with a hot prospect because you don’t want to feel rejected, or you won’t go after the promotion because you don’t feel 100% qualified yet, or you’ll go out and treat yourself to a nice meal even though your bank account is overdrawn, or you’ll buy and eat a bag of potato chips even though you’ve resolved to drop 50 pounds. These are just a few examples of how our human minds sabotage our best intentions and plans.

Time and again I’ve witnessed this in my own life and in others’ lives, too: When you DON’T do the clearing out, healing, releasing and/or transforming step, you end up sabotaging your best efforts. Decision, intention and willpower can overcome some unconscious patterns for a little while, but without doing the deeper inner work, results will be short-lived. This is the main reason that I include the deeper mindset, energetic and spiritual work in the business coaching and programs I offer, even though some view “business / career success” and “personal success ” as two separate categories. In my opinion, they’re not separate because you’re ONE person and without doing the inner work, it’s much harder to succeed and get the kind of results you want with your work.

Again, if you’re now realizing you have a lot of inner “junk” to clear out, this isn’t something for you to judge or shame yourself over! No matter how practiced you are in releasing and clearing, there’s always more to do as you up-level yourself and your life. This is simply an opportunity for you to become aware of where your humanness isn’t supporting your big dreams and desires, where it’s undercutting your efforts, and where it’s straight-up blocking you from moving forward so you can do something about it. Awareness of this allows for you to start making different decisions and conscious choices right now.

Step 4: Receive the way to what you want while staying open to getting something even better than you can imagine for yourself right now

Then, the last part I’ll share here is maintaining an attitude of openness to what you want coming to you in ways you can’t even imagine. It’s the “this or something better” approach. In Step 1, you got really clear about what you want, but one of the things I’ve learned is that sometimes we tend to think a little too small. We can’t help but view life through our own beliefs of what’s possible and possible for us. Even when we try to think “bigger”, there is only so much we can actually think up because we’re limited in our knowledge.

For example, let’s say you’re trying to think of all of the ways you could create an extra $5,000 within the next week. You put pen to paper and come up with 30 ways. That’s a great start, for sure, but there are certainly far more ways that the $5,000 could come to you than what’s written on your paper and you’re simply not aware of them. You literally don’t know about all the opportunities. That’s why you want to leave the door open to receiving what you want or something better in ways you can’t even currently conceive of.

 
 What the universe has planned for you and me is a whole lot bigger than what we can imagine for ourselves when coming at it from our human perspective. - Christine Parma
 

A perfect, real-life example comes from a very tough time in my life over a decade ago when I was employed as a financial planner. The short story is that I loved my clients but hated the work environment and was totally miserable. I desperately wanted another job, so I wrote down as best I could what I wanted that job to look like. I got really clear on how I felt in the job and the overarching qualities of the job, but I had no idea what that kind of job was or how I could possibly find such an amazing dream job, especially since I didn’t even know what to call it. So I left the door open to something better coming in while following the divine breadcrumbs I received.

A job opportunity far more amazing than I ever could’ve imagined for myself came into my world about a month later. Of course, I followed through with the practical action steps to get the job while working to overcome just about every fear I had about feeling unqualified, not capable enough to handle such a big opportunity and doing something I’d never done before in a very public way. But doing both the inner work and taking the practical, “real world” action is how I landed the coveted opportunity to work side-by-side with personal development and business guru T. Harv Eker to launch and manage four of his blockbuster programs (including a $20,000 per person retreat program).

What the Universe has planned for you and me is a whole lot bigger than what we can imagine for ourselves when coming at it from our human perspective (another reason I love working in the Akashic Records). When we have our heart set on manifesting something, whether it’s a certain amount of money, a new relationship or a particular job, the Universe often has something much better in store for us when we stay focused on our desired outcomes, root ourselves in the faith that the Universe always has our backs (even as we do the parts that are ours to do), and align ourselves to allow all kinds of possibilities to flow to us. The trick is not to disregard or disqualify the guidance we receive, and in the process, fall back into unconscious patterns that undermine our ability to consciously create what we want.

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So, what is it that you want?

What do you desire deep down in your heart and soul to do, be and/or have?

And what beliefs, patterns or habits have you noticed that you fall back into that sabotage your efforts? (If you’re not clear on what those are, take a look at where you’re stuck or keep encountering undesired results in your life.)

Share in the comments!

 

Ready to finally clear the path to your Divine Abundance? 

 
 
 
 Welcome! I'm Christine Parma,   a limitations-busting Intuitive Business Strategist + Life Transformation Coach with a unique approach to helping you get real results that leaves your typical success strategies in the dust. I help heart-centered go-getters like you transform their lives and businesses crazy-fast by combining powerful energetic, spiritual and mindset modalities with whip-smart practical strategies and advice. Step by step I guide you to go from overwhelmed, stuck or living at less than your true potential to creating soul-aligned success and living a truly rich life in every way.  Learn more about the amazing results we can create together .

Welcome! I'm Christine Parma, a limitations-busting Intuitive Business Strategist + Life Transformation Coach with a unique approach to helping you get real results that leaves your typical success strategies in the dust. I help heart-centered go-getters like you transform their lives and businesses crazy-fast by combining powerful energetic, spiritual and mindset modalities with whip-smart practical strategies and advice. Step by step I guide you to go from overwhelmed, stuck or living at less than your true potential to creating soul-aligned success and living a truly rich life in every way. Learn more about the amazing results we can create together.

  Get insight into your own personal "abundance blockers" so you can finally clear them for good.   Identify unconscious beliefs, patterns and habits that are stopping you from creating more abundance in your life  Uncover how these abundance blocks are showing up in your life and sabotaging your efforts  Get clear on the next steps you need to take to go from struggle, frustration and stressed-out to creating your most joyful, fun and prosperous life!  Click here.

Get insight into your own personal "abundance blockers" so you can finally clear them for good.

Identify unconscious beliefs, patterns and habits that are stopping you from creating more abundance in your life

Uncover how these abundance blocks are showing up in your life and sabotaging your efforts

Get clear on the next steps you need to take to go from struggle, frustration and stressed-out to creating your most joyful, fun and prosperous life! Click here.

 Maybe you’ve been in business for awhile and your sales and income have plateaued... Or you’re newer in business and you don’t really know what you need to do to start making money consistently in your business.  Or you’re pulling your hair out because you can’t figure out why you’re hearing so many no’s and no one’s buying what you’re selling.  In the High-Growth Formula mini-course, you’ll learn the crucial pieces you MUST have in place in order to   get booked solid, rapidly grow your online business and crush your income goals.    Get the course for FREE!

Maybe you’ve been in business for awhile and your sales and income have plateaued... Or you’re newer in business and you don’t really know what you need to do to start making money consistently in your business.

Or you’re pulling your hair out because you can’t figure out why you’re hearing so many no’s and no one’s buying what you’re selling.

In the High-Growth Formula mini-course, you’ll learn the crucial pieces you MUST have in place in order to get booked solid, rapidly grow your online business and crush your income goals.

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  Get access to exclusive training, personal feedback and coaching... for FREE!   This group was created just for YOU, the go-getting, making-my-dreams-happen woman entrepreneur. You want to make an impact… and a mountain of money, too... but without sacrificing what matters most to you along the way.   Join the Successful Women Entrepreneurs community to get access to exclusive training, coaching and support to help you build a wildly successful business you love and a life you love even more!    Join the community now!

Get access to exclusive training, personal feedback and coaching... for FREE!

This group was created just for YOU, the go-getting, making-my-dreams-happen woman entrepreneur. You want to make an impact… and a mountain of money, too... but without sacrificing what matters most to you along the way.

Join the Successful Women Entrepreneurs community to get access to exclusive training, coaching and support to help you build a wildly successful business you love and a life you love even more!

Join the community now!

  Put powerful manifestation strategies to work in your life with personal guidance & support you along the way   Ready to flex your manifesting muscle and open the floodgates to creating everything you desire?  Join this manifestation learning and implementation “mastery circle”! Receive guidance and inspiration, share insights and lessons and have FUN along the path of manifesting your desires, calling in greater abundance and creating an amazingly fulfilling life.  100% life-changing... and 100% FREE.    Click here now.

Put powerful manifestation strategies to work in your life with personal guidance & support you along the way

Ready to flex your manifesting muscle and open the floodgates to creating everything you desire?

Join this manifestation learning and implementation “mastery circle”! Receive guidance and inspiration, share insights and lessons and have FUN along the path of manifesting your desires, calling in greater abundance and creating an amazingly fulfilling life.

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Christine Parma

I help Mama CEO's ditch the overwhelm and mom guilt so they can have a successful business and feel like an amazing mom, too. Step by step I show them how to grow their businesses in a way that allows them to do more of what matters most to them and have a life filled with joy, freedom and meaning.